Lucky

It has been a while.

The last few weeks we have been doing solid 5k walks. I reached the goal I had set out for myself right after the heart attack, last October.

I never listened much to the doctors and rehabilitation staff and the goals they envisioned for my recovery. From the start, the dog walk was the only thing that really mattered. I had to walk 5k with my girls again. I always lived with the firm belief it to be the minimum they need and not making that mark would disqualify me as a dog caretaker. I would have to face the ultimate consequence. Give them up.

Not that I worried such a scenario would ever become a reality. Ofcourse I would come back, it was more a question of when, not if. The thought visited me though, when I went through the usual phases of recovery, in which you some times have to make two steps back to make one step forward. The thought would visit me like a shiver, only to immediately disappear again like waking up from a nightmare which you can't remember what it was about.

Before all this happened, Merete told me once she could never care for two Hovawarts without me. You don't have to, I always replied, not knowing that would turn out to be a big lie. Merete never mentioned it. She finished puppy class with Zerline, enlisted her for "young dog motivation" class and was determined to work daily on Zerline's leash training and further socialization. I saw Merete struggle, outweighed by the both of them. I decided to not mention it as well. We both avoided the topic.

It is all behind us now. I can walk the girls again for the full 5k and I can even hold the leash on both of them. I am strong enough not to let them topple me over.

When last week I was discharged from physical rehabilitation training by the doctors, she revealed how lucky I was, and how most don't come back the way I did. At least, not without further surgery. Lucky I am indeed. Lucky to get my health back, lucky to still have my girls, all three of them. Thankful for Merete. For fighting the fight, which should have been mine.