Antidote

There was just that moment of silence. "It is probably the GOLPP" I said. The vet nodded her head. "Most likely" she replied.

Deliberately, I hadn't given the future a lot of thought, since Kenzo was diagnosed with GOLPP. I try to avoid any speculation on how it will progress. I fight my thoughts with simple but effective means. I fight it through Kenzo. When my mind darkens, I force myself to drop whatever I am doing at the moment, and we go for a walk. Sometimes short, sometimes long, as long as it takes for me to observe the pleasure Kenzo is having. Inevitably, it starts to smitten me enough to recognize how many bright things he enjoys. Things he and me would miss, if I would use my time speculating about the, equally inevitable, future.

The vet granted me my silence. She didn't discuss it any further. She knows me well, through all the time we have spend in each others company caring for my pets. She doesn't need to tell me. We don't have to repeat what we both already know and talked about before. Instead, her silence allowed me to let my mind wonder off. I remembered the recent trip Kenzo and me made to our valley. How Kenzo wasn't ready at all to sit still and enjoy the view with me as I had planned to do. He wanted to explore, to move forward, to discover. Now was the time, remember dad? The thought of GOLPP faded by the sight of Kenzo running through his valley. I smiled and looked at the vet. The look in her eyes revealed she knew where my mind had wondered off to. She petted Kenzo. "Good boy" and let him get off the examination table, and turned her attention to Tilde, who was next.

My way of coping doesn't make me see things positive. It doesn't give me hope. I have accepted it will end badly, one way or the other. It is an antidote. An antidote against the negative and what lays ahead. My way to enjoy every moment we have left. To frame each memory, as long as we are allowed.

***

Kenzo has GOLPP, a progressive degeneration of nerves. Over time, hind-end weakness and generalized muscle wasting will occur. This will slowly progress over several years. This type of neurological degeneration is not painful, and affected dogs are still bright, alert, and happy. In on average 2-3 years dogs are completely paralyzed in their hind quarter and lost most muscle tissue.