On the day of Viva's passing, I took her body home with me for Kenzo to understand what happened.
It had rained the whole week, but on that day the sun was shining abundantly.
So instead of taking Viva inside, I laid her down in the sun at the start of the driveway to our house. The sun warmed her body and gave her that beautiful golden glow.
Kenzo frantically sniffed the air around Viva, with his nose slightly up. He only came close to her paws, which he touched gently with his nose, still sniffing.
He remained restless and acted like he wanted to go for a walk, so I let him. I followed him down the driveway. At the end of it, just before the point where we usually would have turned left into the forest, Kenzo stopped.
He went straight back to Viva and sniffed the air around her one more time, and then retreated a couple of yards, where he laid down, with his side to Viva and his face upright, pointing towards the road. People and dogs passed by in the distance, but Kenzo didn't move, neither did he made a sound.
I think - I hope - he understood Viva was no more.
After I returned Viva and said the last farewell, we tried to follow our usual routine for the rest of the day and the days to come as much as we could for Kenzo's sake. He seemed himself. We made sure he didn't experienced we were sad. We haven't changed anything in the house, and Viva's things are still where they used to be.
But he is not his bubbly self, because of one tiny difference. For each walk, training session, play or cuddle, I have to invite him. Usually it is Kenzo that invites me. Therefore I know, that first on the day where Kenzo will seek contact once more, he has had the time he needed to give Viva a new place in his life.
Next to the family, Viva was the center focal point of Kenzo's life and purpose, always trying to keep his "big sister" safe. Although I have never before helped a dog through mourning a companion, if I listen good enough and let him "talk", I know we can make it through Viva's loss together.
It is still early, Kenzo just needs more time, like the rest of us. It is only natural. He will be alright again one day, and all I can do is support him getting there. Finding this purpose, gives me strength too.
:( I am so sorry Kenzo is grieving. I know with your love he will be able to move on and enjoy life again.
ReplyDeleteI did something similar when I had to say goodbye to Aspen. I brought Daisy with me. Aspen had been her guide in the first year with us and I didn't want her to wonder where she went. I am glad I did. I am glad you offered Kenzo the same chance to say goodbye.
Love and hugs to all of you.
Thanks Mel. My thoughts exactly, if Kenzo would have thought she just left, he would have had it worse too, was my guess.
DeleteI've always wondered about doing this. When we lost our Dalmatian, the next day Ginko (then, still very young) ran to my car sniffing, wagging, barking ... Like you LEFT her in here! I found her. I found her! It broke my heart. I sat down on the bench in our garden and wailed.
ReplyDeleteWe have had a LOT of grief in our lives the last 5 years, so my dogs are a little bit used to me crying (sorry to say). I admire your ability not to burden Kenzo with your own sadness.
Hugs all around!
I can imagine Roxanne :(
DeleteI also decided not to invite the vet over, because I knew I had to be strong for both of them, so I wouldn't upset either of them, and I could never could have done that in one go. And glad for it, because I did "break" after Viva passed, and I could come to my senses again with deep breaths, before I had to attend with Kenzo.
It was very thoughtful of you to bring Viva home so Kenzo could say goodbye. Who knows what dogs think, but he definitely knows that she is no longer there and will process it in his own way. Lots of love to you and Kenzo. x0
ReplyDeleteThanks for your support Vicki.
DeleteI am so sorry. I think, it was the right way to show Kenzo, where Viva is gone now. So he could say Good bye and had no need to surch for her. Tomorrow it´s Andras birthday. She will become 8 years old and I don´t like to think about the day, when she need to go. I hope, I will have the strength to go the last way with her, like you did.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Andra is so healthy, and has probably many years in her still ! Though I know what you mean. Even with Viva, with her fragile health, it surprised me it was time already, she was still so young. I am sure you will do the right thing when the time comes. But not yet. Not yet. Live like there is no tomorrow :)
DeleteI'm sure it wasn't easy, but I think that was a very kind thing to do for Kenzo, to help him process the loss. Be gentle with yourself during this difficult time. Thinking of you and your family.
ReplyDeleteThanks Maggie. We will do that.
DeleteI wonder if you'd be open to an animal communicator. She could connect Kenzo's and Viva's spirits. Let me know if you're interested, I can recommend the one we used.
ReplyDeleteI am not my "open-minded" self right now :) But I appreciate your suggestion, and give that some thought. Thanks Jana.
DeleteOne of my cats was best buds with Cali and I wondered afterwards if we should have let her see Cali's body before they took her. She moped around for several weeks and I asked my hubby how long he thought she was going to be sad and he said, "she is probably asking the same thing about us" :( Big hugs to you all.
ReplyDeleteSo true!
DeleteSending positive thoughts your way. Hugs from me & lickies from the dogs. XOXO
ReplyDeleteThanks Karen, also for your support during Viva's DLE illness on the treatment-hunt. Your comments gave me a lot of understanding about the disease. You take care too!
DeleteSo sorry for your loss. Losing a family member - with or without fur - is painful for all involved.
ReplyDeleteIt was incredibly insightful of you the way you allowed Kenzo to visit Viva and learn - for himself - that she was gone. We humans don't have the words to communicate this kind of thing to a dog.
Sending hugs and wuzzles to all of you - especially Kenzo.
Love,
Ruthie and Bella the Rat Terrier princess
Thank you for your kind words
DeleteSending extra hugs to you and Kenzo.
ReplyDeleteThey are very welcome, thanks AJ
DeleteWe've been thinking so much of you. It's been two months since Sam passed, and our Monty is still grieving. The changes in him have been sad, and while we can perk him up for a few minutes, he quickly reverts to being depressed. Give the big guy hugs from us, we are sending love your way.
ReplyDeleteMonty and Harlow
Thanks Christine, those hugs are passed on! Kenzo is actually bouncing back at the moment I write this, I'll update the blog soon.
DeleteSo sorry to hear Monty is still grieving. They all need their own time, I hope he feels better soon. Monty and Sam had such a special relationship, and were together for a lifetime, I can imagine is must be difficult for him still. And you. Sending love and hugs back your way.